My dad is complaining about how his computer keeps getting viruses. I don't have the heart to tell him he needs to stop downloading so much porn.
Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I'm eating crumbled blue cheese out of Tubbaware. My life is nothing.
got blackout drunk at the conference and wandered around Minneapolis with a homeless person until one of the other interns found me...I think I'm ready for adulthood.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
Randomize
