You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
Did you find any other hidden treasures in my room? Specifically weed? Or Slim Jims?
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'VE CAME 4 TIMES TODAY. I AM AS DRY AS THE SAHARA, STOP YOUR WHINING.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
Simple revenge plan: break into his house and steal one shoe of every pair
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
Man I sound like a slutty Mormon
After an orgasm, I always feel the urge to sing A Whole New World from the move Aladdin and I'm not quite sure why.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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