but it happened after you broke up with me and before we made up.
he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
its not everyday you see batman on the ground with someone riverdancing on his face bourbon street never disappoints
I just ate cream cheese straight for my dog
I'm afraid to ask what that means
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
