Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
oh god all I remember is forward rolls down the corridor and all I have to show for it is "fit Romanian guy" saved in my phone
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
I love the barter system - he got laid and I got him to bring me some ibuprofen. A win-win really.
we decided to take the jello everclear shot at the party...didnt think it tasted any different....o dear god...the regret..
Randomize
