i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
My 16 year old neighbor is throwing a rager cuz her parents are out of town and my brother and I are sitting on the porch listening to A) someone fuck on the trampoline B) a girl bawling about her parents finding out C) someone puking in what we think is the hot tub. And overall we take a shot everytime someone says "bra"
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I hooked up with a guy that had a beard last night felt like I was building a fucken log cabin
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Could’ve gone my whole life not seeing a man snort coke off another man’s cock... but there it is...
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