so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
Just got roadhead in a driving snowstorm. That shit should be a Winter X games event.
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I would definitely ride that dick into the sunset if nuggets are involved
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
i didnt realize that your first thought would be SEXUALIZING BREAD
She puked on the floor because she said she really liked to clean.
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