I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
I wonder how long it will take her to realize that I peed in her night stand.
Randomize
