The good thing about walking home in a dress on sunday morning is that people mistake my walk of shame as a walk to God.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
You're just mad at the fact that I want to be a car alarm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
He wants to make love to me in a sea of paint and wash my tears away with the brushes surrounding us..I've known him for 2 days.
Only I can have a panic attack in the back seat of a cop car and have them move me to the front seat.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
It will be interesting
Isn't that your life's motto?
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
scale of one to ten how loathsome is it to save my chocolate easter bunny to use for a topping on my edibles
Randomize