I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
currently walking past a fire hyrdrant with a hose already attatched.. this could be dangerous..
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
No but the chipped one is crooked now. Clearly I didn't use my hands to break my fall. I used my face
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I've come to the conclusion that the dicks in Arizona just don't have enough size for me.
I think they took out their livers years ago and replaced them with like cheese graters or something. Only explanation.
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
See, remember when you wanted to get an Ashley Madison account and I told you not to and you hated me? You. Are. Welcome.
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
Randomize
