heading to class now, facing the weekend consquences
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
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I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
You know how I said I'd never worry about my roommate? Well I just walked in on her masturbating to Star Trek.
Did she boldly cum where no one has cum before?
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Well pulled into the driveway, and there she was. Kinda like a Vegas version of the mint on a pillow
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
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