If it wasnt for my iphone and loopt, I would still be wandering the streets in a drunken stooper. Thanks Steve Jobs.
We had to use the stains on Phil's shirt to try to piece together what happened last night.
I'll try not to. I have an appointment at the hospital tomorrow so my goal is to wake up there.
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
"Home for the holidays" isn't clearance to fuck the recently 18 year old high schooler right?
Nope, his last birthday was.
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Sorry I missed your call earlier. I was getting high with my high school band teacher.
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
Randomize
