you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
I've created a drink called, "watching the sound of music with grandma." its straight vodka
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
You're lucky you got out when you did, about an hour later the girl in the Franzia box started wrestling everyone.
She's impossible to please. Other than with two fingers and a tongue.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I'm bonding with your girlfriend. I like her. We're plotting your demise.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I just made a dick pic collage. Let me just tell you,there is no comparison to the latest!
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
He has fairy lights round his bed.. And played Jamie cullum when we had sex... Hes batting for the other team right?
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Randomize
