I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
after drinking 6 jumbo margaritas he then proceeded to tell the entire restaurant that he was going to "bust a load in me" when we got home....how do you think the rest of my night went?
I just realized that I've become that person they make the alcohol warnings on medicine for.
every time i get drunk at her place i end up leaving with nothing but an empty box of toaster strudels..
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Just casually ripping a bowl in the chicken coop, with the chickens. NBD
i was the only bi girl at the frat party. i felt like the last cresent roll at thanksgiving
Randomize
