I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Nobody is wearing shirts anymore. What is happening.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
They kept barging in on us saying random shit. At one point they came in yelling room service! and threw soda at us bruising my foot. Weirdest injury I have gotten during sex.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
You were ¾ of the way through the first pitcher of margaritas then you turned to me and said "Wow I can barely taste the vodka!" And then…….
...Then...
Then I told you margaritas are made with tequila not vodka. You whipped the pitcher at the wall and ordered another one
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Randomize
