Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
there was a guy who was being paid to stand outside of Abercrombie without a shirt on... normally i would be okay with this but he was 40...
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
I knew it was a good Wednesday night when I woke up tucked in to NOT my own bed with my beer helmet, an empty bottle of Jose, and a trash can placed in front of my face.. Happy 20th!
OH BABY IM HERE AND IN A BLANKET FORT
COME TO THE BLANKET FORT
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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