I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
Well then I realized I had a bigger problem when I woke up a long board.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
The cops forgot your handle of tequila when they took you away. Taking shots in your honor amigo
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Apparently he's taking the slut he cheated on me with on a cruise for her birthday. THAT COULD HAVE BEEN ME. TITANTIC STYLE.
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
The worst part was when I went to go spit it out and rinse my mouth, his grandpa was in the bathroom, so I had to fucking wait. It was awful. I finally ran to the kitchen and prayed his parents didn't come out of their room.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I melted cheese on my pizza rolls. When I die make sure someone melts cheese on my rolls.
I wear drunk well.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
Randomize
