Flirting with the rich sleazy owner of the club: 1 way ticket to free sushi, drinks, and VIP passes. FUck! im better with older men than i am with babies and dogs
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I have full custody of my vagina however you are granted visiting hours
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
After she asked if she could try to fit her toe ring around it, i decided to leave. Thats the life i live
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Randomize
