im starting to measure my showers by the number of beers i drink while im in there.
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
so far i wrote 500 words for a paper on sean paul performing we be burnin..i can officially do anything on adderral
I don't know how God could bestow someone that emotionally confused with such an awesome penis.
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Lets watch game of thrones and have sex every time someone is naked. It'll be like a drinking game but better.
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Well he was saying something about being emotionally unavailable since his dad died, but then I blew him in a tree and he shut up
I'm too drunk to explain this to you. It's too hard.
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
