Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
She thought that based on the way she feels that she got drugged last night, but come on, her turn on word is hello, who needs to drug that??
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
Your vagina doesn't want to be violated with garnishes. I get it.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
Randomize
