It's Friday. Sex?
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
remind to leave next time the words "tequila" and "challenge" are shouted
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
I shaved last nite, you should see my cock it looks like a beautiful skyscraper
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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