Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
Are you seriously gonna shit with that life vest on?
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
there was a kid getting taken out of the waterpark handcuffed to a wheelchair singing "tryna catch me ridin dirty"
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
My mom asked me if I ever go on dates. I had to suppress the urge to ask if having casual sex with a freshmen counts as dating
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
He tried to throw up into a beer bottle. It was a complete disaster. Vomit went everywhere. It put the Bellagio's fountain to shame.
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