Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
So apparently using the emergency exit of the bar as a bathroom is frowned upon in this establishment...
Apparently I taped knives to my hands and made everyone call me wolverine
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
Is it weird that I'm mad at my boss because he isn't paying me enough attention? Maybe my dad issues are worse than I thought
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
eveytime i go to his house my cute clothes always get taken off what's the point of even wearing them there?
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