I wish guys would just cum water 'cause you don't have to worry about being pregnant and it'd be like a squirt gun fight
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
well you're talking about the girl who after 4 years, several relationships and several fuck buddies, has yet to have sex in an actual bed
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Do you remember whose house we're in?
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
UPS just delivered me 30lbs of dried cherries... I shouldn't be allowed online when I take painkillers.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Randomize
