Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think my goal for this black wed is to not scream at an off duty state cop in a bar after trying to flirt with him. No need to make that an annual tradition
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I'm going to miss hockey season. It was the best excuse to get drunk on a Tuesday night.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Would it be weird if I congratulated the guy who almost broke up my marriage for working on the marriage equality bill? You know, thanks for fighting for the sanctity of marriage. Weird, right?
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
you tried to fight the cop who was busting the party, you said you had a constitutional right to do a keg stand...
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