so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
are you serious? he told me he had to cancel bc his grandma came into town
well unless his grandma is 21 and blonde, HE LIED TO YOU IDIOT
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
We're high and this subject came up and I'd like a female opinion: if you were a dude, what would you do if a girl tried to give you a foot job?
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
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