the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Does hooking up with the gay pledge count as hazing?
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
lmao he sent me a snapped but i'm afraid to open.
i think i have dick pic PTSD.
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
If I die at work, I want you to have my mustache collection
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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