Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
I just woke up to my FedEx of contacts I've been waiting for for about a week and my hungover ass went to the bathroom and used beer instead of contact solution.
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
This is a test of Andrews drunk texting, had this been an actual drunk text, all the words would be spelled incorrectly and would be missing key verbs and nouns, followed by a request to not get fired.
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
Randomize
