I just got home. Seriously all I remember is taking out my contacts and putting your balls in my mouth.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
At this point do you think buying mom a pot plant would be funny or highly inappropriate?
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
Oh BTW the next time I see you I don't care where we are your dick will be going into some part of my body.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
Randomize
