I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
Today's dinner table topic: the probablity of my dad turning gay if he ever left my mom.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
Oh, I'm just lighting tennis balls and WD-40 on fire, what are YOUUU doing?!
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
In other news, I just sent her a video of me masturbating while driving in the rain, so I guess you could say I've mastered Snapchat
I believe in your delicious
Fuck you i've put so many pretzels in her shirt
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
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