We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
There's two sisters at this place and they look competitive. Try for a threesome tonight?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
We drank vodka and koolaid through a traffic cone. It got rowdy.
We are so on opposite sides of the boobs spectrum
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Randomize
