just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
Things I had in my bed when I woke up: an avocado, a toilet brush, and a note that says thanks but no thanks with the number of taco bell on it. WHAT DID I DRINK?
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
My parents get here at 6 so I have to make it look like a sober virgin lives in my room by 5.
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
Randomize
