Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
I just found all of my Mary-Kate and Ashley movies. Can you say drinking game?
it's not cheating when I paid for it
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Nah, i wasn't offended. Having a bridesmaid who you had had multiple threesomes with your future husband would be weird.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
