how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
we just got in the car and birthday sex is playing
that is a sign the 3 of us should have a threesome
we agree. completely
do you have any idea how expensive it is to have the munchies at Disneyland?
What's the most polite way to say "Congrats on losing weight, but no one is happy your boobs got smaller."
Bad news? she threw her drink in his face, left her phone at the club, and disappeared. I found her laying in bed with the bottle she stole from our VIP service. Good news is she's asleep and I have the bottle, come home
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
Yupp. He's definitely a screamer.
Where you been?
Please tell me this is a booty call
the person she was housesitting for had a christmas card from charlie sheen on the fridge so we fucked on the couch and just slept in the bed
Randomize
