pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
It got a little outta hand when you wanted to do body shots on the table.. at Dennys.. at 4 AM.. with lemonade
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
In the wise words of Scar: "be prepared."
Do you think Scar was a Boy Scout?
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
I'm making mistakes. Coming up with girl now
I hate me. That girl was hiiiiideous.
My niece I'm babysitting left earlier to stay the night with her friend. I got ditched by an 8 year old.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
