i've alrwady decidided boys hate me plkease take notyes.
what
nvm
yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
why do i have 22 missed calls from someone who is literally saved in my phone as bumrape star??
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
I heard drunk is the new sober. I heard me say that. To a cop. Can you come get me??
Never do acid then ask for a blow job while watching 28 Days Later. Heed my advice.
Get the fuck in, we're going to Taco Bell.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
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