"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
and I'm going to name my autobiography "blow jobs with enthusiasm are the best"
I'm naming my autobiography "Reasons Not to Date Girls From Texas."
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
My Valentine's Day plans just drastically changed... My F buddy just ran into my gf...in my driveway.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I just can't have sex in the car again. it's just too much
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Randomize
