Steel Reserve is the RC Cola of alcohol. It's never ok.
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
Flaming shots last night. Missing an eye brow. There a connection?
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
Wow this just keeps getting better, weed, shrooms, a stripper..........a gun.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
Randomize
