Fucking love it maybe bedazzle some baby seals? Make them cuter? Who would club a bedazzled baby seal? Only a fucking monster.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I smell like lime and condoms and I really want a waffle. Fuk
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
I got wing sauce on the baby and licked it off. If you were wondering how I'm doing.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
Randomize