Kareoke will never be a sober sport
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
She is banging on the liquor store door begging them to let her come in.
I feel like this is going to result in some sort of tearing in my vagina.
Thats a chance were just gonna have to take
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Im officially canceling McCormick Monday. I got a raise.
Sooo grey goose Tuesday?????
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
