Being this Hungover on Easter has brought my closer to Jesus... I swear he had to feel shitty like this after coming back from the dead
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
You're probably reading this when you wake up from your "nap" in the front yard. Maybe next week you should go to class, and not start Thirsty Thursday at 9:30 in the morning.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Found a single cinnamon toast crunch between my butt cheeks. We did work last night
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
Okay who let me pass out in a recliner cuddling a pitbull and a cardboard cutout of Orlando Bloom
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
Why are your pants in the freezer?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
