We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
pooping with feet up on an ottoman about level with the toilet is nice
I thought this guy walking back to the dorms with his black laundry bag was walking a black flamingo I'm not even kidding I had to take a break on a bench after that.
You're my favorite person
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
NOTHING IN THE WORLD IS GOOD SOFT
NOT ICECREAM NOT DICKS
NOTHING
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
My favourite part was when you contorted upside down in the tub and said "I don't want to be upside down"
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