i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
No one understands that once a girl pours a handle of smirnoff all over herself, clearly she is wasted
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
Randomize
