Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
They told me I spent half the night at the club with one ball hanging out my shorts. Apparently it got me 1 free drink, 2 numbers, and thrown out.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
He wouldnt stop screaming that he wanted a trashcan WITH a lid. Whats so necassary about a lid
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
May the one with the liver that just won't quit win
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
How do I cancel buying spotify premium for two homeless people?
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
did anyone ever come to your door asking about the blood on the floor?
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
I stole a block of cheese from the party last night and put it in my purse but I got so drunk that I left my purse on the floor and my dog ate it.
Randomize
