Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
So I hooked up with a guy with a mustache and woke up on a dragon futon underneath a dragon yin-tang tapestry... My life is spiraling in a weird way.
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
next time we make out at a concert please try to refrain from screaming out our hotel room number.. the amount of guys that knocked on our door after you passed out was ridiculous
All I know is that I woke up with my pajamas on inside out in front of a bowl of watered down kd. Sitting up. I didn't even make it to bed.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
Maybe why that's why I'm perpetually single... I can't find a guy with bigger balls than mine.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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