She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
dude i've broken up a marriage, I think I can handle a simple engagement.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
I'm not sure if you saw my recent facebook update, but I have already put the Radio Flyer wagon to good use. I had someone pull me to the nearest bar.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
Matt. This is the manager of qdoba. Pick up the phone. Your friend needs you.
In case you're wondering where my head is at right now, it's wishing that I was getting laid and not having a debate about cheese.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
Intelligence report: the hot sister called you gross, the sweet sister says you're dumb, and the smart sister says all the other men she knows would have to die for her to hook up with you.
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