Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Bad things happen to those who bang their lab partner at the beginning of the semester.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Woke up on the couch with one cowboy boot on and a hat over my crotch. God bless texas.
What do you mean? Just eat his food and have sex with him. Unless you want a relationship, then just eat his food.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
Randomize
