I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
They'd unbutton the overalls with their lesbian-tongues. It wouldn't even be a problem.
No, not at all. Pulling a condom out of your vag at 2pm is NOTHING like finding $10 in your winter coat. Stop trying to make me feel better.
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
He just started dry humping the air... I'm done
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
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