She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I don't know what that means. But if you take off your pants, you'll probably get arrested.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
30% sure Kevin and I just adopted a cat. Talk to me when the sun's up but I really feel like that's a thing.
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Your bf is wearing nothing but a cape, I mean absolutely NOTHING but a cape. I know you said he looks like Thor but this is getting a bit ridiculous.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
You almost got us killed.
YOU’RE WELCOME FOR NAVIGATING YOU TO A ONCE IN A LIFETIME EXPERIENCE.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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