Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Find me a date. With a beard. I want him to rub his beard on my tits. I'm not even into that stuff but I think it'd be so warm.
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
He keeps texting me videos of fish swimming in his fish tank, so I think it's safe to say he's back on weed.
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I just stood still on a stair at the train station expecting it to go down automatically like an escalator... Today's going to be a good day
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
All I did was call him a fucker when he took my pot. He didn't have to arrest me.
Randomize
