eric is really sick so I'm taking care of him! :(
just blow him with soup in your mouth.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
When sleeping with someone new: should you hide the magnum condoms, or let him know what he has to live up to?
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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