Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
So what if i'm late to spanish tomorrow. who the hell cares. i don't even speak spanish.
From now on, just let me go home. I'm tired of hooking up with your roommates... Including you.
She said she couldn't sleep with a guy who had blood stains on his ceiling. I tried to explain it wasn't my blood, but she still left :(
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
The worst part was I wasn't conscious enough to move out of the way, I knew i was being puked on but I couldn't move.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
That feeling when you're ready to convert to the religion of whatever god will stop the vomit. Dynamite is illegal.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
it will be just like last year but no clogged toilets and more costumes.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
Don't drink and shop. I went for happy hour and came home with a fog machine. I now have no other choice but to scare the shit out of my neighbors with it.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
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