Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
well i just got discharged from the hospital after getting pegged in the head by a t-shirt gun so thats how my night was.
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I'm like five sips away from making a Craigslist post for true love and mustaches. My family is going to disown me tonight.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
Randomize
