I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Ok cool. Ill pick up liquor because, well let's be honest, we don't need an excuse anymore.
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
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The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
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Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
I had a dream last night you were Aladdin. I think due to me watching 6 hours of Disney movies and the fact you told me you were wearing a vest.
Dreams are coming true for both of us.
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
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