they lined up to high five me when i got taken out by the stretcher. The paramedic high fived them too
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You can cross "give someone a blow job while playing Colors of the Wind" off my bucket list.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
You were silly, high, and chewing on things.
How does one take the "you're the best sex I've ever had but I'm marrying someone that's sub-par in the sack" mind fuck?
I pity the fool.
Thanks Mr T.
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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