By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
I need to hang out with girls who make more mistakes
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
On a scale of 1 to alcoholic in withdrawal how ready will you be to start drinking as soon as you arrive on campus?
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
