Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
i'll never see her again. i cant remember her last name. this is like cinderella except prince charming drank too much jameson and couldnt save a phone number properly
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
My glasses smell like tequila. I just put them on and almost threw up.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
you really cant fit homeless dj into your budget? doubles as charity
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
I need an IV, a new head, and stronger morals.
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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