How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
reasons why jon gosselin is probably ur biological father: 1. ur half asian 2. hes everyones biological father 3. u wear ed hardy
sounds legit
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't worry we didnt bang. Sometimes I just bring guys home so I don't order pizza.
Fuuuuck. Forgot it's October. FYI scarecrows are gonna fuck you up when you're driving high
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
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