Great date with Damon, but I'm not sure if telling him I like lesbian porn is a good second date discussion.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
did we cross streams again? the only thing I remember is seeing a dick
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
I woke up this morning at 8 to my roommates still drunk, hanging out on the roof, and screaming at bikers. They couldn't figure out why they were into it.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I wasn't half as drunk as u but u were saying u were a "worm" and u tried to slither out of my grasp
Last night at McDonalds, you lied across the counter, pulled up your shirt and yelled "BODY SHOTS"...
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
In other news, I’ve officially fucked a grandpa.
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