You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I'm at McDonalds and when I walked up to the register the guy said "I'm so sorry." Before I said a word. That's how bad my hangover is.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
That jawline could fucking have its way with me.
my vagina can't handle any more of our 4 day long smash bash. it should be like a holiday or something. should only happen once a year.
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
