Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
dude, never take two tylenol pm and smoke three bowls. i feel like i'm covered in cold ants.
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
I'm not sure if what i'm hearing downstairs is sex or not, but if it is, it sounds like there's a dog involved...i'm mildly concerned.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Yeah, sorry about that. Dropped the phone on my face while I was watching porn.
Randomize
