Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
My water bill is like twice the normal amount. I need a boyfriend.
Do I even want to know?
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
I think my staff loses a little bit of respect for me every time you're in town. I may have to puke at work ...again.
I mean you would really have to try to not have fun at a party that doesn't require pants....
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
Oh yeah, you are a real peach except for shitting uncontrollably and bleeding out of your face.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
Randomize
