Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
I showed him my bush... on skype.
Also do the "tongue the pee-hole" thing.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Just found dollar bills in my sheets. What part of the weekend am I forgetting?
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
Sex in your truck helped me start regaining feeling in my jaw. Thanks!
I'm gonna snort this pill I found on the ground cause that's how classy I am. Watch football and eat Beef jerky. Domesticated at its finest.
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Flight got cancelled. Stayed in the same hotel as the flight crew so now I can cross Sex with Pilot off the bucket list
He regularly flies into DC, so I’m going to sign him up for my Frequent Flyer program!
Randomize
