Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
He turned off the music when i walked in and introduced me to everyone. then they gave me jager and made me chug it while holding a giant purple dildo. everything resumed when i finished
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
She just drunkenly falls over and yells " I lost my footing!" in a british accent and then proceeds to run into the wall... did you spike her water?
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Is it sad the checkout lady had to inform my mom she can't buy alcohol before 8am?
Randomize
